Dosey Doe
Two Steps Forward, One left, One Right, One Back…
Life is a wild ride. Every time I set a path, commit in a direction & something feels like a full solid yes, I hear my ancestors laugh, knee slap, pick me up and guide me on a course 90 degrees to where I thought I had just set sail to.
I used to think ‘ don’t share any of it with anyone because you know the plan will change, and that just makes you look flaky…’ but I have come to realize that is simply some of the magic that is Krystal. Life has very few absolutes & I’m not going to hide the madness that creates the magic in my life. The correct people on my path will simply LOVE & celebrate that about me, and the ones that judge it like I used to or question if I can be integrity while living this life, well, that’s refinement baby. 👋
Over the last few weeks I went from signing multiple leases that would lock life in to Northern Alberta for 2024, to fighting about signing leases, to watching a power above me step in and totally disbar and scream at me over every plan or vision or piece of certainty I thought was meant to come to fruition… but for once there was this underlying certainty, this underlying knowing and trust in myself as I navigated big decisions while burning the external pressure & influences and need to try and control outcomes or move in a logical, mind centered way. Bigger than all of that at no point did I say ‘ I just wish I had a partner here to take care of this part.’ Finally, I feel whole, and competent to drive the needle of my life and business forward with me in the drivers seat.
You see, I’ve taken external pressure into my internal world a lot the last … few years, overriding that really quiet and not interrupting voice inside waiting to be prioritized… and when I left California with a tank full of certainty in who I am and what is required to become the woman I’m meant to be… I became uninfluenceable & super intentional. Of course, there’s growing pains to becoming us in every chapter and this one is no different. I’ve had conversations or reacted certain ways that keep me up at night thinking hmm… that’s part of the learning curve AND… there’s a conversation + apology that is owed also for me to stay in integrity on this path. But I also don’t beat myself up about the process of becoming a new version of me with new boundaries necessary for new realities.
Let yourself be intentional, bold, courageous & MESSY. I’ve had some triggers come up around this perception of others thinking messy, or imperfect makes the whole person or their business/experience being offered less perfect, less quality or just simply lesser… I’ve felt some serious judgments this year and have come to a place of gratitude for those judgments & projections because it has shown me that the true passionate artist of their life is going to be messy AF at times. I love the mess & being in the process of turning the mess into alchemy & masterpiece and coming out looking back saying ‘I fucking knew it would work out.’ I love that in a season of creatrix I wake up at 3 am heart on fire and start making plans, stumble across a few steps I may have to revisit on the way to create the beautifully necessary canvas that myself + others are needing to access their remembering, their reactivation, their joie de vivre. The artists constantly put others back on their path simply by being courageous enough to be messy, vulnerable and at times a little/lot mad.
Recognizing these judgements around me has allowed me to clean up judgments in my field for myself + others and realize judgment is simply an indicator for who appreciates, understands and will amplify our golden gifts & frequency. These judgments show who appreciates the messy process that the true mad hatter experiences on the journey… and who will never value the book or movie we are creating. It shows me where my judgments are guiding me into growth & understanding, but also away from those not for me or those who will slow down my growth simply by being them… that’s wrong for all involved.
So, this season I’ve made 20 decisions and yet I sit in the mountains, snow falling around me being so grateful that this next 9 months of this year is still a blank canvas… some small contrasting stroke colours made… but knowing that at the end of the year no one needs to understand the messy, abstract masterpiece we go out and create, or try to recreate, even erase/cover up.
Maybe all that matters is that we let ourselves risk letting that canvas getting messy without tossing it out or trying to find a new pristine blank canvas — letting ourselves become the mad hatter and cheering on others as they try on that hat for the first time, as they throw that paint brush with careless wonder for the first time… cheer on the liberation & freedom others are on the verge of activating.
Please, please step into & own the messyness of your own life. The alchemy, the magic, all that you're seeking, it depends on it.
But as always, choice is yours 😘
