Surrender
Life has been teaching me surrender, on steroids.
I left Fort McMurray earlier this month after treating for one day… not ideal but I woke up to Reese at 6am followed by a long walk watching her struggle and strain to do the necessities of life to survive… and I thought WTF am I doing here? Trying to force myself to work through after a vet call the day earlier to confirm an aggressive lymphoma that we've been working for 6 months + to try and navigate, get answers on and treat. I didn't ask… but they told me the timeframe anyway, and we were well past.
It wasn't a big shock logically, but between clients that day I found myself hysterically bawling in the washroom, or sitting outside with her just praying she'd magically be able to pee… realizing SHIT… I'm gonna lose my best friend, and she needs me to not be so messy & unstable. 'SHIT, my clients also deserve me to not be this messy & unstable.'
You see this is what happens when we try to force what we think we need in life. In my mind, I needed to go, I needed to see my clients, I needed to keep consistency in my business and practice… and yet I quickly realized none of that mattered. Life demands you to pivot and then pivot more. My doggo is my best friend & has given me one hell of a journey the last 13 years & I am and was not about to downplay or cut corners on the finale.
I share this, and I share more of this in my podcast episode I'll release Tuesday, because so often logic gets to run the show when life is trying to show us what's important, or a new way of navigating and thriving in life. We don't get to choose when a timeline is up, we can fight it, make it more difficult on us as we force & grip… or we can trust, get innovate and … trust some more. By some miracle Reese pulled through a ROUGH week last week long enough to get her on steroids and now she forgets she ever was sick, and we all kinda forget and are living as if she isn't because well… we won't rush being back near any of that reality.
That led me to another battle of do I cancel the next set of days I scheduled in, and surrender even deeper? WHAT is happening to my career this year?!?!?!
Well… maybe, but this time I'm genuinely excited to come up and see everyone for a week, and I feel much better with Reese's ravenuos appetite and overflowing energy sources, albeit the mom guilt is real, as is the cost of living… and sustaining the vet & home made food bills of a senior princess.
Some seasons don't go as planned… and sometimes that is a pleasant surprise while others it's gutting… but it will almost always demand a new version of you with heaps of capacity if you want to move with any sort of grace & productivity through the real life, heart throbbing, leaning into new edges of what we are capable of chapters.
If you're feeling this, or even if you're thriving and just want a top up on life, I will see you starting Tuesday in this interesting era of… 'we'll see' as life pulls down some structures, pulls the curtains on any new formations & demands intense presence, trust, surrender.
Old me would judge me so hard in this chapter, and maybe that's a good sign.
