Life after Reese
We spend so much time fearing or anticipating loss… who are we on the other side of it??
If you're not on my social media world… my best buddy Reese left her fav. humans for a heaven that I really hope has a lot of stainless steel fridges for her to empty and fall asleep beside.
First of all, I want to extend a huge gratitude to all of you who have witnessed and held space & compassion for a new side of me this last year. A Krystal who couldn't always put career + business first & just push through to fit people in, or push life & reality aside anymore. Without such amazing friends, clients, and colleagues I simply couldn't have given Reese the last chapter of life that she deserved… and demanded. There is such a huge sense of peace amidst the grief rollercoaster simply because, we lived all out & there is not anything left I wish I had done with her, expressed or any regrets of how we lived life together. Of course, I wish she could've lived forever; the forest, mountain views and house are not nearly as full without her. And yet, as most of you know when you live through grief cycles with loved ones, there comes a moment where it's harder to hold on than let go because the being in front of us is no longer full of life, vitality and joy and the memories from before are simply… happier.
Getting to witness many of you through big seasons of loss, I have immense gratitude that life let me let go over time, process over time as we often do not get in this lifetime. So often life shocks us with loss, yanking what we love away in an instant and then the world goes on, leaving us to orient and navigate a new way of living and thinking.
Reese ate a roast beef that day before going to the vet, had one last river jaunt with her 3 favourite people, napped with her head on my lap before eating a whole jar of treats at the vet until the sedative fully kicked in, she still opened her mouth for one last treat with her eyes already shut, unable to move, as if she was going to stash it for her trip to the other side. I held her the entire time and simply breathed deeply, being present with every breath we had left. Of course I bawled my eyes out but on the drive home I already had this overwhelming sense of peace, but also fullness. It felt as though when she took her last breath she handed her heart over to me, stole my sorrow and grief and said ‘here momma, go see what it's like to live with my heart, go be full, play & create & love life.' And that was that, there was no big spiritual experience like my others, and no lingering of her in my dreams or connecting to her soul. Her lessons have always been simple… bring joy, have fun. Eat, pray if you must, but alwyas love BIG.
So now, we settle into life on the other side of the pause, the holding, the death & rebirth cycle… I know ya'll are waiting for the flight across the world, but Reese changed me. She put me in the pressure cooker to learn the art & purpose of still, of staying the course & building and rooting into an unshakable, trustworthy foundation… and I promised myself after leaving her last Friday I wouldn't mess that up. I wouldn't entertain or dabble in energy that wasn't going to create big impact, purpose & fulfillment in the world.
All of that to say, I sit here staring at the mountain knowing that hopping on planes would only detour me from the long game that she left for me to move toward.
Your whole world can change in an instant, while everything still kinda remains the same. The ocean sits on the horizon, the big love & partnership is out there meandering its way toward me & Solluna & my clientele here still fill my cup & remind me that when we live from our hearts & stay the course of something… it does take form & provide for all involved.
I'll be rearranging how things look & likely be up north more in the new year but for now, my schedule is in until the new year. I'll be taking action on creating space on the mountain for some small 1:1 or 2-3 group size intentionally curated retreats & mentorships… but I won't be skipping any steps or acting before whatever I'm here to do & however I'm here to serve is organically revealed and feels certain.
Once again, thanks for being on this ride with Reese & I the last many years, thanks for holding love as I likely overshared about the journey, you all helped give us an opportunity to live out one hell of a life. Thanks for letting my clinic dog have the egg chair while so many of you sat on the floor beside her and poured love into her.
If you're reading this and thinking… how do I do that, how do I create more of that possibility, freedom or ‘more’ for my life.. explore that… get curious & let yourself paint outside the lines, off the canvas and maybe all the way to the oceanscape that might offer you over a new perspective… I promise you…
If it's in your heart, it was put there by your soul wisdom & is here to create impact far beyond your own gain… go claim that, with patience, grace & certainty. I'll be here cheering you on!
